it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
