so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
