i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dick has a subreddit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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