Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
