Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
