My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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