why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
