good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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