remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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