u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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