Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
whose ass print is on the piano?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
