sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
