If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
