wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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