You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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