He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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