So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
