i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
