This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
