i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
