Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
