I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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