That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
