erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
