i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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