Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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