your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
