I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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