so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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