Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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