I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
