***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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