no, he came in my armpit
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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