why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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