I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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