he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
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seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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