It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
