I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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