No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
