There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
