she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every concussion has its silver lining
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
