well most of my day revolves around power hour
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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