I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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