My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
