my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
