I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
