Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
