she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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