I am puke
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
