We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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