No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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