I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
