please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
