I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
