Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
