It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize