My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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