I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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