she looked like the bat from fern gully.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
