Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
