a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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